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About Rachel Farmer-Reay

Freelance writer and communications professional

A night at ‘one monk island’

We’ve gone from whistling wind and rocking motions to the sound of silence and barely a breath of air… For the first time this morning I could hear the gentle hum of the fridge when I turned it on!

We’re half way through our little Greek sailing adventure and now living life above and below decks has become the new routine.

Yesterday evening we arrived here, at what we call, “One monk island”. Because just one monk lives here in the monastery, with his solar panels and olive grove. There is also another monk we’ve been looking out for here – the monk seal – but we’ve not spotted him yet.

After several days of changeable and strong winds, we have dropped anchor in what looks like an inland lake with deep turquoise water. Navigating the entrance in was tricky, as it was very narrow and shallow, approach advised in calm weather only. We made it, despite being tossed about by a speeding motorboat, which raced past us at the narrowest point creating lots of swell!

Last night with no lights ashore, we stared up at the stars and watched satellites tracking across a velvet sky, there was even a shooting star. Earlier we’d heard the sound of bleating and spotted a little family of goats picking their way between the rocks and bracken on the hillside, before reaching the shore and gently lapping at the salty water.

There are just a couple of other boats anchored here and this morning the water is like glass. The scenery reminds us of Scotland. The silence is deafening.

Today is in sharp contrast to a couple of days earlier, when strong winds left us ‘harbour-bound’ and we decided to go for a hike… in the heat!

Having asked a local estate agent the way to a sandy beach further round the coast, he shook his head.

“You can’t walk there you must drive,” he said, miming a steering wheel between his hands.

Never say “you can’t” because we’re bound to try and prove you wrong. The climb up out of Skopelos port wound up steep stone steps past four tiny ancient churches perched on the cliff side. At the top we were tempted by the blue and white cafe with a view, selling fresh orange juice… but we pressed on – we were on a mission to the beach.

Before setting out we’d been reading about hiking trails round the island, it seemed the T3 was the route to this particular beach… that’s how we read it anyway! We were on the look out for T3 signs off the road and soon enough we congratulated ourselves on finding a beautiful trail through the trees on an ancient rocky path. I was enjoying walking for a change, after weeks on board and only swimming for exercise. It was good for the swaying to stop too.

Sometime later we came to a road and our walking sign pointed left, in the distance to the right we could see blue water. The sign was very clear, no need to cross check on google maps, we thought. The clever trail would take us down the valley to the sea.

Twenty minutes later we’d branched off the road and descended a stony track to the base of the valley. We spotted three deer on the way and hundreds of ancient olive trees. I was loving the hike. But five minutes later the track disappeared into brambles and nettles! We searched for another route and then eventually checked the phone maps. We were off route – it turns out we were both better at navigating on water than land!

A short climb later and a good few kilometres along a road and another track, we were very hot and weary, but determined to prove we could walk to the beach! We were both dripping wet when we arrived at the beach and dived into the water with some relief.

The walk back was a lot shorter, but still steep and this time we did stop for an orange juice at the blue and white cafe!

Back at the boat we felt heroic hikers and I examined my blisters… Better stick to sailing for now.

I don’t think we’re that great with quiet. Despite last night’s thoughts of a day of contemplation, reading and writing, neither of us wanted to linger long on One Monk Island today. So, we have set sail again. Not just to find wi fi and signal, but because the still heat was making us jittery and we long to feel the breeze against our backs and hear the slosh of the water against the bows of the boat.

This is the life – we’re sailing on a passage into the blue leaving the islands behind us. Who knows where it will take us?

Meanwhile below decks it’s time to get the coffee on.

“Did you say Mexico?”

Staring at the departure board at Euston station last week, I had a sinking feeling we weren’t going to make our flight to Greece. Delayed and cancelled flashed up on more and more trains, and even more worryingly, our train wasn’t even listed.

“Due to the extremely hot weather, some of our trains are not in the right location and also some of our staff… we’re doing our best though,” said the station announcer. However sorry they were it wasn’t going to help us get to Birmingham International for our plane, that was likely to be leaving as scheduled in a few hours time. We both looked at our watches and sighed, saying one of those prayers.. “if you could just help us get a train, please!”

Suddenly one of the Birmingham-bound trains was ready and a hoard of would-be passengers streamed forward. We joined the throng, hoping our tickets would be valid and dragging our cases behind us.

On board the guard showed her sense of humour, mixing up the wording on her announcements and making everyone smile. Later she chatted to us as we prepared to get off, helping us manoeuvre a pushchair to get our bags to the door.

“Where are you off to? Did you say Mexico?!”

We chuckled and I touched my straw hat, while she told us her dream was to go travelling in a few years, when she’d had enough of Avanti and network rail.

Stepping aboard another Greek ferry later that day, felt like a bit of a miracle after the day’s train and plane delays. The ferry was actually earlier than scheduled so we were lucky to catch it. Even more amazing was that I could walk without limping after almost falling through the ceiling a couple of days earlier as I’d attempted to tidy tools in our son’s loft extension!

Now a week on, the boat is rocking gently in the most delightful bay, framed by chalky cliffs with turquoise water lapping at the beach.

Since leaving Skopolos last week, we’ve enjoyed some beautiful anchorages on islands we’ve never heard of. Pine trees and olive groves flow down to the water and bleating goats and buzzing cicadas provide the soundtrack day and night.

I’m loving taking time on this mini sailing adventure around the Sporades islands. We’re here for a few weeks and that means we can take our time, sit longer over a frappe in a cafe by the quay, spend time forging new friendships with fellow sailors, decide to stay an extra night and try another restaurant just because we can. Today “time” is on our side and it feels good to slow things down for now.

I’m also loving meeting new people! Within a day of arriving in Greece we met a couple from Cornwall who’d sailed their boat all the way here some years ago. Then we met them again at an anchorage and again at a little port town (we’re not your stalkers – honestly!). We also met another couple from Plymouth! Suddenly it feels like a small world and the other night all six of us exchanged stories and laughter at a local fish restaurant. However much peace I crave, you can’t beat forging new friendships – it’s the best!

On the other hand international relations were under strain an hour or so ago, when a neighbouring yacht ‘politely’ asked us to move our anchor. We ‘politely’ declined, on the grounds that it wasn’t necessary. Half an hour later we waved “au revoir” as they decided to move and the French skipper showed us his bottom! Fair enough – perhaps he was rather hot…

Goodbye Magnolia

Blue sky. Turquoise sea. White walls. Not a spot of Magnolia in sight, which is some kind of atonement for the most stressful final ‘March out’ last week.

Now I’m lying in a white washed room listening to the water lapping on the shore, just metres from our blue shuttered doors. Thankfully it’s all behind us and almost forgotten.

There’s nothing like packing your rucksack and hopping between Greek islands to put a bit of distance between us and those frustrating military systems.

We’re part way through our Greek summer adventure (part 1) and have sampled the delights of the magical island of Santorini. We enjoyed a roof top pool with a panoramic view and sipped G&Ts on our balcony looking down on cruise ships and yachts floating past beneath the soaring cliffs of the volcanic island. We also tried out the crazy local buses to the old town of Oia and wandered the paved narrow streets filled with blue and white pottery and scarves.

On Friday we set sail for Paros on our second ferry. I felt quite smug skipping past other foot passengers struggling with huge suitcases as I mounted the stairs, very happy with my rucksack. I was slightly less impressed a few hours later carrying food and water, plus the rucksack, and attempting to get on the water taxi to our beach. We perched on the front of the little boat with two girls and I was pleased that I managed the jump off onto a concrete jetty without a drama. We were almost there.

We had hoped to be collected by our Air BnB host, but her car was off the road, so we were on foot. It wasn’t far along the beach, but the bags and the rucksack were getting a bit heavy in 32 degrees plus. I tried to match the giant strides of my travelling companion ahead, marching beside the sea, with a row of sun beds on the left. “Not far now,” I thought. Seconds later I was flying headlong onto the sand, as a small trip sent me face first onto the beach. There was no chance to rebalance as the weight of my rucksack sent me hurtling forward. I was unhurt, but embarrassed, as a walnut tanned man came forward to ask if I was OK. Didn’t I know there was an age limit for wearing a rucksack? I laughed and struggled to my feet unaided and followed the long strider, who was totally unaware of my fall!

Dropping the bags beside a tree below a pretty blue shuttered building, I checked my phone for our host’s number and picked up a message from her to say she could pick us up after all, as she had managed to borrow another car! The phone had been off to save the battery… Oh dear, we’re here now anyway! She kindly carried my shopping into the room, which had another view of turquoise water, framed by a line of trees and pink flowered shrubs.

Having spent a large proportion of our budget on eating, drinking and transport in Santorini, we counted out the remaining cash on the bed. We needed to economise a little, so we stored away our food and downed some water. Luckily we had a bottle of duty free gin to keep our spirits up!

The first night we enjoyed a take away delivered to the door, which we managed to make last for two days. We would splash out on a frappe later – with 2 straws!

Looking at our beautifully white washed walls, I can only smile now about last week’s ‘March out’ fiasco, which left us both seething, but has now become something of a joke! Who will be first to spot something painted magnolia?

When we moved into our army house almost four years ago, we’d asked permission to paint a few rooms white. At the time the man in charge had said it was fine, and that we didn’t have to return them to army standard magnolia, as long as it was a neutral colour. We’ve really enjoyed our fresh white walls, looking out on the rolling hills and the sea beyond.

At the ‘March out’, the person checking the house shook his head and announced that all the rooms painted white must be returned to magnolia or we would be charged. No amount of explaining what we’d been told would do – we had nothing in writing and the man in question had now left his post.

The house, he admitted, was spotless and a good deal cleaner than when we’d taken it over. The white washed rooms looked crisp and fresh, but they were not “army issue” magnolia, so unless we painted them back there would be money to pay for redecorating. Adding insult to injury the same man had visited our quarter a few weeks earlier to check for any issues and told us all that needed doing was to tidy up the garden and do our best with limescale in the bathrooms. He had failed to spot the offending white walls, which would have given us a chance to redecorate or time to fight our case.

What should we do? On one of the hottest afternoons in June, the one of us that wears uniform asked him to return the next morning after we’d repainted. (The other one sulked and muttered about writing to the newspapers;) I have never engaged in decorating with such bad grace and I have never disliked the colour magnolia so much as I did that afternoon. After three days of solid and nail breaking scrubbing and cleaning in the house, we had planned an afternoon relaxing at our favourite beach. Instead we sweltered with rollers, paintbrushes and dust sheets, returning our rooms to a dull magnolia. The job was made even more infuriating knowing, as our neighbour pointed out, that the next occupants would probably prefer white walls.

It’s done now and thankfully the Greeks love white! You can be sure when we next need to choose colours for our home Magnolia will never be an option!

The final march out

Here I am back in the same situation as I was when I first started this blog nine years ago – on the move again and surrounded by boxes! But this time we are heading to our new home, instead of another army posting.

I haven’t done my farewells to our last army quarter just yet, that will happen this weekend when we get it ready for our final “march out”. For non-military readers, this is a kind of inspection of the house to make sure you have cleaned it properly and there is no dust in the plug sockets, mould inside the window frames or even a whisper of grease in the oven.

As I discovered nine years ago, cleaning can be a kind of therapy that helps with the emotions of leaving somewhere treasured and familiar before heading into the unknown.

So, while I’m down on my knees cleaning the toilet, I will also be remembering some of the good times, while looking forward to what lies ahead.

Living on the Jurassic coast has been a privilege and a joy. We’ve managed to walk a whole section of the south coast path from Poole Harbour entrance to Burton Bradstock, with most legs completed there and back. We’ve enjoyed kayaking through caves and paddleboarding as the sunset across Lulworth Cove. We’ve fought off the seagulls, while eating fish and chips from Bennetts in Weymouth, and dreamed of owning a yacht, while watching boats moor up along the quay. 

The amazing stars overhead in the dark Dorset sky have made up for the booming sound of tanks firing day and night on the ranges we live beside. We’ve watched tracers lighting up the night sky on summer nights, and during the day I’ve looked up from my desk and spotted the splash from shells landing in the sea beyond. On the quieter days, without firing, we’ve enjoyed hosting family and friends and taking them to the hidden coves and beauty spots on our doorstep.

This is also the house where we lived through lockdown, which involved walks to the sea almost every day, listening to birdsong on the normally busy road at the back of our garden and a marathon bike ride to Poole Harbour and back again. “Never again!” we said.

I’ll miss all that, but I won’t miss the barb wire lining our fence or the taps that don’t match and the threadbare carpets or magnolia chip papered walls. Or the moles who continue to wreak havoc across our lawns!

Army life has been fun. We’ve forged new friendships and had to say goodbye countless times. We’ve had a run of amazing postings these past nine years, from sunny Cyprus to living on the magical Thorney Island. I’ve also loved my time with the Military Wives Choir, both in Cyprus and in Bovington. Singing with them has lifted my spirits time and again and I’ve met some of the most caring, encouraging and zany women, who’ve also made me laugh. Despite all this, for me it’s time to move.

Change is exciting, but not always easy. After spending a large proportion of my life as an army wife, I’m looking forward to putting down roots, sorting out my garden and having all my stuff in one place at last. But my soon-to-be ex-army man is not so sure. He’s wondering about what’s next, what will life be like beyond the military and where his next adventure will take him.

Although we’re leaving Dorset, we’re not heading so far, just next door to Devon. Our new home, which we already love, will be ready for us to move into in the autumn. In between then and now, it seems we have time for a little sailing adventure in Greece! As long as we pass that final “march out”…

The beginning of the end?

“Season of damp grey mistiness
Close bosom friend of the hidden sun. 
Conspiring with him how not to bless, 
the miserable people who round the pavements run.
Desperate for warmth and blue sky…”

I may not be Keats, but if he’d written about January instead of Autumn, it might have gone like that… a bit!

January has to be one of the most depressing months of the year. Christmas is over and I haven’t even seen a snowdrop yet. However, I am one of the chosen few to have a birthday this month. It’s not the best time of year to celebrate, but as this was a significant round number I decided to give it a try, with a lot of help from family and friends.

Ever since the first lockdown I have been spoiling for a party. As the youngest of five, I evolved into a bit of a rule-breaker. It’s just a modus operandi which I slip into as soon as someone lays down a rule. It must have started young, because I remember being told not to climb the high brick wall around our garden and walk along it. But there it was, a rule to be broken, and the result was a nasty fall into the bushes with scrapes that wound right round my torso. My mother said, “I told you not to climb on the wall!” It’s hard to explain why that sounded like an invitation to the seven-year-old me.

It was even worse at secondary school where there were dress codes laid down rigorously about not rolling up shirt sleeves and doing up your top shirt button under the tie. But if you were wearing a tie, who would know if the top button was undone? The headteacher apparently, who had eagle eyes and caught me offending on all counts, repeatedly. Somehow, I managed to escape expulsion – just!

So fast forward a few years and Covid strikes with its rules and lockdowns. I have honestly done my best to keep the rules, mostly. I understand why they are there and have attempted to comply with the important stuff. But the lack of freedom, isolation and list of what wasn’t allowed over the past two years has made me crave company and fun and yes, a party.

So, when my family asked what I wanted for my birthday, I said, “A party!”

The planning began and invitations were sent – the future was looking bright – not orange. Then Omicron landed and I felt that cold trickle of disappointment slide down my back again – yet another fun event cancelled. Covid strikes again!

But there is a God. He made January after all and gave us the resources to develop vaccines and so after a few wobbly weeks, the party was back on.

There was shopping to be done, table plans to be drawn up, cake makers to be chivvied. We hit a few speed bumps along the way. There was one memorable moment in a supermarket, when the card machines had gone loopy, just as we were trying to pay for two huge trollies piled with food and drink. One of them had to be wheeled into the cooler, while I trekked to a cashpoint, meanwhile the car had run over time in the carpark. “You couldn’t make it up,” said a voice beside me.

One of the funniest cards I received on the day summed it all up!

But it wasn’t all problems. The venue was pretty perfect. All the family remembered shoes – even if some were the wrong colour. Guest arrived on time from almost every corner of the UK, including Ireland and Wales. We didn’t need to call on Jesus to turn the water into wine because there was loads and we even toasted Her Majesty with glasses of port.

At the end of the evening, I felt like my party shaped vacuum had been well and truly filled to the brim. I had hugged (because we’d all done lateral flow tests!) laughed, listened, gossiped, giggled, and sometimes just watched my nearest and dearest in animated conversations or tirelessly moving between kitchen and table with delicious food and drink to keep the party going.

So misty, miserable January has turned out OK this year. The party actually felt a bit like the end of a long diet, having been starved of all the things I love, I have finally been able to sit down to a truly delicious meal of friendship, family and just being alongside people without masks. I am really hoping this is the beginning of the end of covid rules and lockdowns for the foreseeable future. Whatever happens next it has been a good way to begin 2022.

A tasteless Christmas?

However isolated I may feel, I am one of more than 10 million people in the UK who have tested positive… so I am not alone!

I suppose it was almost bound to happen at some point and on the plus side I am getting it out of the way before Christmas. I am also feeling thankful that I’ve picked it up after having two vaccines and the symptoms have not been much worse than a bad cold. Only one thing took me by surprise – the complete loss of taste and smell which descended after a few days. It seems that was my early Christmas gift from Covid-19.

A bit like running water or flushing toilets, our senses are something we can take for granted while they’re working fine. Overnight the world became a different place and so many wonderful smells that fired the imagination or stimulated the taste buds had vanished. A cup of tea tasted more like dishwater and the roast ham being carved in the kitchen, might as well have been dolls house food. I’ve never experienced such a complete loss of taste and smell, and it was devastating.

What is the point of preparing a meal, when you can’t look forward to the taste driven by the delicious scents from herbs and spices? The only sensation in each meal was that textures varied, but everything tasted pretty much like cardboard. Flavours had become a distant memory, which I was desperate to rediscover.

I hadn’t realised how much my own well-being was influenced by food and how much sitting down to a lovely meal could affect my mood. When the food on your plate might as well be straw, what’s the point of cooking or eating? It just becomes about getting energy into your body and allaying the empty feeling in your stomach. 

I hoped it wouldn’t last long, but two or three days in I found myself inhaling fresh coffee in the hope of catching a whiff of something… However, it smelt just the same as the sleeve of my jumper. The only plus side was that bad smells had also disappeared – but that meant sniffing the milk to see if it was still OK didn’t work anymore.

A week in and there was a tantalising glimpse of hope, when I cut a slice of lemon and tasted the sharp tang – a flavour at last! Gradually little hints of scent are developing and with it the faintest flavours are being rediscovered. 

This afternoon I stuffed my face against the branches of the Christmas tree and dreamed of piney aromas. Was there a hint of pinecones somewhere, or is that just my imagination?

It looks like Christmas now – the tree is glittering with lights – but I can’t smell it yet! 

However, I live in hope that by Christmas Day I may be able to smell those mouth-watering dishes and the scent of fresh pine will be more than a distant memory!

in the father’s hands

It’s been the strangest few months – hence my lack of blogs.

Lockdown and the effects of the pandemic have been a unique experience for us all and each of us has reacted differently. I’ve admired the resilience of fellow writers and creatives who have churned out books and continued to expound their thoughts and feelings over the past year. Often this has been a channel for very real anxiety, frustration and confusion.

And yet I have found myself frozen and silent on the side lines, like a spectator in the stands of an England football match, looking on in fear. 

Watching England play on Tuesday night reacquainted me with all the stress of supporting your national team, the intakes of breath as the opposing team take a shot at goal. The rising hopes and then that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as you watch them trying to set up a goal, only to give away the ball to the other side, who dance it dangerously away towards our open goal. It’s stressful to watch and I have to confess to spending many England World Cup games in the kitchen, unable to cope with the edge of the seat nerves.

So, while some of my fellow creatives have been either launching themselves into the field or standing waving and shouting in the stands, I have been stuck to my seat, unable to understand my emotions and unable to form coherent or appropriate words for each twist and turn of the pandemic.

One author has really helped me shine a flickering candle on what might have been happening and helped me see I am not alone. Catherine Fox’s Tales from Lindford has turned out to be a cathartic read.

Always a fan of the author’s stimulating writing and delicious irreverent humour, I dived into this new offering hoping for an escape from the dismal headlines. The book was written in real time during 2020 and charts the characters experiences and reactions to what was happening. It took me back to the days before we’d even heard of Covid-19, the need for face masks and before vaccines. It reminded me of the journey we’ve all been on. More than that, as I read some of the feelings and thoughts of the various characters, I recognised my own emotions and mixed up thoughts. For many there were no words, no neat explanations, no clear way through the loss, the sadness and the mess. Like one of her characters Freddie, there have been so many times in the past months when I have just wanted to scream a very loud expletive at the top of my voice.

I am still struggling with words, both in my head and in print. The pandemic has shaken my foundations – there could be cracks, I daren’t look too closely – but they are still standing at the moment. Let’s see what happens next and where we are at the end of the summer.

One phrase has been going round my head for the past few days #inthefather’shands. I’ve found when I lack words, I can trust in God’s Word to help me keep taking the next step. 

“…no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” John 10.29  

the clock is ticking

If your life is a day, what time do you think it is?

I guess this question only springs to mind as the ‘day’ begins to run away with you. However, the clock is always ticking and none of us have a clue how long we’ve got on this earth.

February tends to be a gloomy month for many of us and this year it seems particularly so – thanks to COVID, we don’t even have holiday plans to look forward to. For me it’s also heading towards the time in February when I lost both my parents. They actually died more than 25 years apart, but at exactly the same time of year. 

Even more gloomily, next year I will be the same age my mother was when she died, so I guess the ticking clock thoughts are somewhat inevitable. I’m sure my elder sisters had similar experiences approaching the same milestone.

It’s one o’clock in the morning, I’m not asleep and I can hear the wind howling round the house and whistling through the trees. Thankfully there is no sound of a ticking clock!

Still, I am wondering what time is it for me?

When I was very young time often dragged. I seemed to have to wait ages for everything whether it was Christmas, birthdays, the summer holidays, or even just the return of my siblings from a bicycle ride… 

Then I stopped marking time so much, I was too busy living and loving it, racing from one exciting event and experience to another.

Somewhere along the way life began to speed up. I can remember my children learning to walk, their first days at school and now suddenly, one of them is settling their own child into nursery and watching for their first steps.

Life seems to have moved suddenly from lunchtime to late afternoon – well I’m hoping it’s afternoon and not evening, but who knows?

The thing is I haven’t a clue what time it is and I’m glad. Not knowing means I need to make the most of each day, savour each moment, just in case it’s getting later than I’d realised and the sun is about to set.

Some years ago, a very good family friend lost his daughter in a car accident. It was a terrible shock – a beautiful young life cut short. His words to many of us, as he battled on through the pain and grief each day, were “carpe diem” – seize the day. He was right – we shouldn’t be watching the clock afraid of when it’s going to strike midnight. 

I want to try and seize each day, making the most of all that I have, even in lockdown!

time for a new diary

In true Bridget Jones spirit I bought a new diary the other week. 

I love diaries. I love filling out the details on the first page and putting in all the family birthdays and special events to come (not that I always remember them!). Before the year starts I like flicking through the clean pages with room for notes against each month. My last two diaries have been particularly brilliant as they even have tear out pages for shopping lists or other vital notes.

Even though I have a digital calendar on my phone, I still love my physical diary with pages. It’s a bit like reading a book, as opposed to articles online. There are some things we never tire of.

A few years ago, finding good diaries for my communications team was a bit of a ritual. When the catalogue for ordering the very corporate plain black or blue dairies came around the departments we all shook our heads. “We’ll find something more colourful,” I assured the team. For one very practical reason it was easy to distinguish whose was whose and to spot them amidst even the most cluttered workspace. So, each autumn I would ensure that I chose spotty, striped or other patterned versions that fitted our team spirit and brightened up the desks. Somehow the arrival of those brightly coloured diaries on our desks cut through any autumn gloom and signalled the start of exciting new things to come, even if we didn’t know what was ahead there were dozens of fresh pages to fill with deadlines, events and even holidays to be added in.

Like most people, my diary for this year is a poor relation to those of previous years. It is full of rubbed out events and trips, with lots of what appear to be blank weeks – ah, that would be lockdown! So, as my very stylish 2020 diary is consigned to the bottom drawer, I am really hoping for something fresh in the new year. I will dutifully fill in the events for 2021 that coronavirus cannot cancel, like birthdays and anniversaries, but I’m wondering what else I might be able to add in…

After all, I’ve been thinking – “we walk by faith, not by sight.”

A rollercoaster year

A love story isn’t a love story without some ups and downs, or twists and turns. So maybe that explains the rollercoaster ride my son and his new wife have been experiencing the past few months.

2020 has turned out to be a difficult year for anyone planning a wedding, but it has certainly made them memorable events.

Our youngest child has, according to his two siblings, “had it easy”! He benefitted from all the struggles they went through, reaping the rewards after their battles with parents over hard won freedoms, forbidden toys, curfews and parties, travel plans and even it seemed a stress-free wedding. That was how it looked back in February when planning was going well and the coronavirus was a troubling situation on the other side of the world.

After a weekend of finalising arrangements for the big day in July, he said, “I think it’s pretty much sorted.” His biggest concern was whether they had ordered enough barrels of beer. But none of us knew what was around the corner.

As the country edged into lockdown in March, we hoped it would be short and sharp and back to normal by the summer. But a couple of months in a postponement began to look inevitable. Later in the summer I spotted their flowery wedding invitation on my mother-in-law’s mantlepiece, with the July date crossed out and a September day added in. It seemed to sum up the year. A year of crossed out plans and rubbed out holidays, yet still not confident about adding in the new dates. None of us knew what was ahead.

Their hopes to see wedding numbers increased to the 140 they had invited were crushed and as September drew nearer we all realised 30 was going to be as high as it would go. The wedding couldn’t be exactly as they dreamed. There would be no singing in the service, the congregation would wear face masks and covid rules would need to be kept – but it would be their day. It would be special and intimate and their immediate family, plus a few friends would be there to join in that familiar response in the service, when they were asked if they would support them in their marriage in the years ahead, by saying: “We will!”

We were all looking forward to the wedding, but just a couple of days before, as many of us were en-route to begin preparations, local restrictions struck.

When you lose something precious the first time, you are really sad. You mourn the loss and eventually you move on. Then perhaps you find the lost something or buy a new one. But if you lose it again, does the pain get less or maybe you just don’t let yourself feel it so much the second time? Thinking, ‘well I lost it before and I got over it, so I will get over it again’.

I can’t imagine how they felt two days before their wedding when they heard about new local restrictions and weren’t sure if the whole day would fold. It was another body blow for them both – yet more disappointment – I didn’t know if they would be able to bounce back. I wanted to curl up in a ball and weep myself. This painful uncertainty was combined with the news that a good friend would not be able to attend as she had to isolate after a flatmate had tested positive.

And yet they were lucky. The next morning they discovered, to everyone’s great relief, that the day was able to go ahead legally and the reception was also allowed. We didn’t do everything as planned, but it was an amazing time. The sun came out, there were smiles and laughter, along with tears. Emotions ran high, after all the “will we won’t we” of the days before it’s not surprising.

The many friends and family who couldn’t attend joined in via zoom and even the speeches were filmed and shared later, while a couple of very talented photographers captured the most precious memories from the day and absent friends and family sent in hilarious video messages.

Life doesn’t always go as we’d planned and relationships are also full of ups and downs. However, it’s only through experiencing those very low times that we can appreciate the highs and the happiness. The groom’s brother recently announced that he’d much rather have a life with big highs and lows, despite the pain and even the fear, rather than live life on the level, never experiencing the depths of emotion from a leap in the dark or a mountain top view.

I am sure there will be many more rollercoaster climbs and dives ahead for the new Mr and Mrs Farmer, and for all of us – let’s try to enjoy the ride.